You better not Grout, I'm telling you why...

My car isn't working.

That's actually not quite accurate. It's WORKING. It's just not working WELL. A couple of days ago it started to give a BUMP whenever I hit the accelerator. The kind of bump that says, "I don't WANT TO but UHHHHOKAY." I knew I was totally screwed - there was no time for me to drop it off at my mechanic's place before the holiday - "Just hold out until tuesday...", I cooed. "Go Fuck Yourself" it growled back to me, as it made a terrible grinding noise whenever I came to a full stop.

This is my first car. Coincidentally, this is also my first abusive relationship.

Today is Tuesday. My mechanic is not in. Why should he be? It's boxing day! Time to return the gifts you don't want and buy the things you didn't get. Unless your car is acting surly and peevish.

I'm trying to take advantage of the fact that there is no place that I NEED to be today, and use the time to do things like re-grout the kitchen tile. I just finished, and it's so nice to have that feeling of accomplishment! Grouting is so easy. Here's a step by step:

  • look under hood of car and check transmission fluid
  • feel slightly worried that there doesn't appear to be any transmission fluid, wonder if Tony will be worried about this fact, close hood of car and turn off engine.
  • clean out the 10,000 wrong Google Maps that litter the floor of the car
  • throw them in trashbins
  • realize that the trash wasn't put out last night but the trucks haven't come for the black bins yet
  • pull black bin out onto sidewalk.
  • go inside to call mechanic again
  • turn on computer and pick up phone
  • phone is not charged
  • put phone in charger
  • admire xmas tree
  • remember that tree needs to be watered
  • go to kitchen to get water
  • eat xmas cookie
  • see dirty dishes and begin to wash them
  • when clothes dryer beeps, turn off water and go fold clothes
  • can't fold clothes because previously folded clothes are on folding table
  • move folded clothes to the bedroom to put away
  • grab and kiss cute doggie who is sleeping in other pile of folded clothes on bed
  • see pants that need a button sewn on them sitting on the dresser
  • go back to living room to get needle and thread
  • see new toaster oven under xmas tree
  • unpack toaster oven and bring to kitchen to set up
  • eat xmas cookie
  • toaster oven doesn't fit where old toaster oven lived
  • begin to rearrange kitchen
  • pull everything off kitchen counters
  • decide to grout kitchen tile
  • eat xmas cookie
  • wait four hours before cleaning grout stain off with a wet sponge. 12-24 hours is best.
  • eat xmas cookie
  • eat xmas cookie
  • eat xmas cookie
  • go to computer to write boring blog about stupid car and grouting tile
  • eat xmas cookie
  • the phone is ringing. Stop blogging and look for