What is a blogwhore? Let me count the ways...

1) A blogwhore is someone who believes that Comments = Value, and thus, writes posts with the intent to elicit as many comments as possible. For example, one might gain a lot of comments by doing the following: posting scandalous sexed up pictures of oneself, talking about sex in graphic detail, encouraging discussion on tentacle porn, or perhaps asking advice about sex from anyone who happens to be reading. Okay, well, it doesn't HAVE to be an entry that revolves around sex. Those are just examples. Really it could just be asking the readers to weigh in on any topic. I don't know. What do you think?

2) A blogwhore is someone who trolls the internet looking for interesting blogs to subscribe to. Or not so interesting. There's room enough for the trashy, the boring, and the badly written on anyone's feed page. (OH how I wanted to link to an example of that last one, but, you know... politics). This kind of blogwhore adds to their feed the way a magpie collects shiny objects in a nest.

3) A Blogwhore is someone who compulsively starts blogs. Maintaining them is, arguably, another issue entirely but hahahahahaha let's stop here. I don't want to talk about it, I've acknowledged the problem and am trying to attend the meetings.

I don't really subscribe to the comments = value theory. I can sit back and re-read a post I've written and know if it's a good one or total shit. Doesn't matter how many people comment on it. Of course, I also love it when people weigh in and say something, and I often will make a point to comment on blogs I read, when I can - no matter how famous they are or if I know them or not. I do this for the most part because I understand the feeling of writing into the nothingness, and how nice it is when you hear a voice in the fog. On the other hand, I understand that many people don't feel the need to speak up, are often shy about saying anything, or feel like they have nothing to add. To quote an annoying catchphrase, "It's all good."

I *do* however find myself trolling for blogs to add to my feed. One of my mostest favorite blogs is this one:

In case you are lazy like me, and don't like to click on links, it's called "I Hate You New Guy Who Sits Next To Me" and it is fucking funny. Sadly, it appears to be dead now. We can only guess that hated new guy actually left the job. The only thing I don't like about this blog is the fact that I didn't think of it first. It's been a long time since I've had a desk or office job, but man did I have PLENTY of material. As a matter of fact, I still haven't blogged about the Most Horrible Person yet, have I? *makes note*

*leaves note in pants pocket and washes it by accident*

HOWEVER... I still have the "hated new guy" in my life, and even though he's not a guy and we don't work together in an office, I fucking hate this person.

And here's the thing - the person I am talking about? Totally transparently fake, annoying, backstabbing, stupid and COMPLETELY lacking in the sense of humor department. Yet ... other people seem to adore this person. I don't get it. I have a mantra - and here it is:


I know I stole my mantra, but I like to think I've made it my own. Plus, stealing things from people is supposed to be flattering. SUPPOSED TO BE.

Which brings me to number three.

The blogaholic deep inside of me wants to go forth into the intArw3bs and start ANOTHER blog. An anonymous one where I can talk about my very own hated new guy. Plus one or two other people I know who are totally batshit crazy and make up the most outlandish lies. Maybe even some of the random acts of crazy I encounter in jobs or social events. You know, the stories I want to tell here - like xxxxx who, when I bumped into them, told me that George Clooney was interested in directing the script he wrote.

No. No he's not. He's not.

Maybe this blog would even be a funny blog for people to read - you know, "the funny blog - not Slate Your Name but the FUNNY blog! Which blog is that again?"

So if you are blogwhore number two, and find yourself trolling the da web looking for a new blog to read, and you come across one that sounds a little something like I've described... maybe you won't ask any questions and just add it to your feed.