The Miracle of the Christmas Candle


yumyum: so i bought this candle called MULLED WINE at anthropologie

yumyum: for FULL PRICE

hmrpita: yes we know

yumyum: which i never do

hmrpita: you paid like eighteen dollars for it

yumyum: yes, but i am recapping

yumyum: shhh you are ruining it

hmrpita: but you hug it every day

yumyum: *hugs it now*

hmrpita: Lenore RUINS Kristen's story...AGAIN

yumyum: now we all know that that is a RIDICULOUS amount to pay for a candle


hmrpita: you can pay more at Candleman (or as i call it "the last-minute panic gift stor")

hmrpita: no e necessary

yumyum: we leave off the e for ...

yumyum: a good reason that we do not feel the need to go into

hmrpita: LOL

hmrpita: exactly

yumyum: ANYWAY

hmrpita: xactly

yumyum: *cough*

yumyum: *ahem*

hmrpita: oh are you still TALKING?

yumyum: TRYING TO

hmrpita: go on

hmrpita: *goes to make more tea*

yumyum: where was I?

yumyum: *yells so she can hear*

hmrpita: you were waxing poetic about your crapload candle

yumyum: when you smell this candle you are going to cry tears of blood because you don't own onw

yumyum: the w is for WOW this smells good

hmrpita: and no e

hmrpita: very good

hmrpita: *nods sagely*

hmrpita: mulled wine does not soiund all that terrific to me.

hmrpita: the i is for IDIOT

yumyum: anyway i was back in the store on wednesday and there they were

yumyum: thakfully nobody cares about what you think

yumyum: the n is left out for "nobody"

hmrpita: you are right. expecially me.

yumyum: it's symbolic


yumyum: the question mark is for how could you not find me FASCINATING?

yumyum: ANYWAY

yumyum: i went to the store on weds

yumyum: and they were still there but still way too expensive

yumyum: thursday i went into the store that they have in santa monica and THERE WERE NONE

yumyum: because they had GONE ON SALE

yumyum: and everyone bought them

yumyum: and so I was standing at the sale table weeping tears of blood

yumyum: and some giant man lumbers up and starts smelling the few candles they have on the sale table

yumyum: saying No this isn't it and things like that

yumyum: then he asks me if i know if they have a candle that smells incredibly good - like cinnamon and I say YES IT IS MULLED WINE AND I CAME HERE LOOKING FOR IT TOO.

hmrpita: mmm cinnamon

hmrpita: send shavings of this candle to me.

yumyum: and he goes on and on about how he dragged his girlfriend into the store FOR THAT CANDLE and she thinks he is CARAZY

yumyum: and i of course was sorry i was in the conversation as usual

hmrpita: well, he obviously is, since he is talking to you

yumyum: but that is a seperate thought

hmrpita: LOL of course you were

yumyum: huh

yumyum: good point

hmrpita: seperate!

hmrpita: for someone who doesn't like to talk to strangers, you do an awful lot of it.

yumyum: the E is for EEEEE how did i get myself into this conversation

yumyum: sometimes they have candy

hmrpita: and they eat it in front you?

hmrpita: because tht is what I would do

yumyum: the mean ones

yumyum: i rest my case

hmrpita: vowels are so 5 minutes ago

yumyum: i am giving up vowels in the new year

hmrpita: RSLTN!

hmrpita: (wow alot of vowels in resolution)

hmrpita: a lot

yumyum: (no kidding!)

hmrpita: NW YRS RSLTN

yumyum: SO i go to pay for some stupid candle that is not the candle i want

yumyum: and there behind the counter ARE THE CANDLES

hmrpita: OMG

yumyum: and i asked if someone was returning them

hmrpita: and you got ME one

hmrpita: THANK YOU

hmrpita: (hug emoticon)

yumyum: but NOOOOO an employee was BUYING ALL OF THEM

hmrpita: that is cheating

yumyum: ew! ew! ew! don't hug me!!!!

hmrpita: he can't do that


hmrpita: and to flaunt it

yumyum: except on the other hand - i have worked retail and bless them - have your candles

hmrpita: i am going to send that employee a note thanking him for ruining your day

yumyum: then

yumyum: THEN

yumyum: the MAN lumbers up to the COUNTER and goes on and on to the employee about how he came here JUST FOR THAT CANDLE

yumyum: and begs her to sell him one at a profit

yumyum: and he gestures to me saying that i came here for it too

yumyum: and i am all LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS

yumyum: because i don't like it when people gesture to me and cause people to look at me

yumyum: and she relents and gives it to him to buy

yumyum: and he's all YAAAAAAAY and is looking at me like he won because he has all this gumption and you know, in this town you have to stick up for yourself to get things you want

yumyum: or maybe he was just YAAAAYYY SMELLY CANDLE

yumyum: anyway

yumyum: the end of the story is I called the store in denver and they had tons of them left so I bought 4 of them.

yumyum: for 7.95 each!

yumyum: *bows*

yumyum: *trips*

yumyum: *falls over*

yumyum: *runs to dressing room to light mulled wine candle*

yumyum: *sets dressing room on fire*

yumyum: *pulls fire alarm, grabs candle and runs out of building*

yumyum: It was A Christmas Miracle

yumyum: otherwise known as

yumyum: Another Boring Kristen Story

yumyum: hello?

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