The Year Without A Santa Claus... well, that would be AWESOME

My father tells me that when I was a little girl, I sidled up to him and asked, "Daddy? How does Santa Claus get into our house?". My dad replied, "Well, honey, he comes down the chimney."

"But we live in an apartment."

"Well, yeah, in our case, he comes in through the back door."

there was a long pause

"Lock it", I said.

You know why? Because Santa Claus is fucking SCARY!!! That's WHY! He is a huge old fat man who, when you get right down to it, is guilty on a large scale of breaking and entering. And don't give me the whole, "But he brings presents!" crap either.

In fact, that's what my dad said.

"But. Honey. He brings presents!"

to which I allegedly replied "I don't care. Lock it."